It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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