i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
