so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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