I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
