Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
