i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
