none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
