she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
