I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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