i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
