i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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