I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
