I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
