If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
