Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Can I color on your dick again?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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