I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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