he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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