Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
