Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
