i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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