I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
