my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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