Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
