He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
