1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
