My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
