well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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