apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
