i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
