So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
