Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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