i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
