i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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