I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
