whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
