My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So. Much. Porn.
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