she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
