This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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