So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
