She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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