Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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