I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
