Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
