haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
