I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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