I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
and eventually we just all took our pants off
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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