Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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