I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I will pee on everything he values.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he just fucked me for my cheese..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
