I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
