Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
