the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
