You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
